My granddaughter and I were reminiscing about the songs and rhymes we used to sing when she was young and I came to a frightening conclusion. A lot of the songs and rhymes involved bodily harm to monkeys and even death. For example:
Exhibit 1
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said,
“No more monkeys jumping on the bed.”
(The song continues until all the five monkeys have concussions.)
Exhibit 2
Five monkeys swinging in a tree
Teasing Mr. Alligator, “Can’t catch me”
Along comes Mr. Alligator quiet as can be and
Snaps that monkey out of that tree!
(The song continues until Mr. Alligator has eaten all five monkeys.)
Exhibit 3
The goose drank the wine
The monkey chewed tobacco on the streetcar line
The line broke, the monkey got choked
And they all went to Heaven in a little rowboat
Exhibit 4
I had a little monkey and his name was Jim
I put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim
He drank up all the water and he ate up all the soap
And he died last night with a bubble in his throat
Exhibit 5
I had a little monkey
Moved to the country
Fed him gingerbread
He sat on a grinder
Cut off his hinder
And now my monkey’s dead
Exhibit 6
I went to the Animal Fair
The birds and bees were there
The big baboon by the light of the moon
Was combing his auburn hair
The monkey he got drunk
And climbed up the elephant’s trunk
The elephant sneezed and
Fell on his knees
And that was the end of the monk, the monk
To sum it all up, we have five monkeys with head injuries, five monkeys who were eaten by an alligator, two monkeys who choked, one monkey that died after his rear end was cut off by a meat grinder, and one monkey that was crushed by an elephant with allergies. That’s 14 monkeys! Where’s PETA and Jane Goodall when you need them? If children were singing songs about dead cats and dogs there would be a public outcry! Why is it okay for children to sing songs about the mutilation of monkeys?
My theory is that all this malice towards monkeys stems from a Christian Fundamentalist backlash against the Theory of Evolution. They don’t want to believe that we evolved from primates and they resent monkeys because of it. Whatever the reason, I think we should stop being monkey haters and start being monkey appreciators. After all they’re our closest living relative because we share 94% of the same DNA.
Exhibit 1
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said,
“No more monkeys jumping on the bed.”
(The song continues until all the five monkeys have concussions.)
Exhibit 2
Five monkeys swinging in a tree
Teasing Mr. Alligator, “Can’t catch me”
Along comes Mr. Alligator quiet as can be and
Snaps that monkey out of that tree!
(The song continues until Mr. Alligator has eaten all five monkeys.)
Exhibit 3
The goose drank the wine
The monkey chewed tobacco on the streetcar line
The line broke, the monkey got choked
And they all went to Heaven in a little rowboat
Exhibit 4
I had a little monkey and his name was Jim
I put him in the bathtub to see if he could swim
He drank up all the water and he ate up all the soap
And he died last night with a bubble in his throat
Exhibit 5
I had a little monkey
Moved to the country
Fed him gingerbread
He sat on a grinder
Cut off his hinder
And now my monkey’s dead
Exhibit 6
I went to the Animal Fair
The birds and bees were there
The big baboon by the light of the moon
Was combing his auburn hair
The monkey he got drunk
And climbed up the elephant’s trunk
The elephant sneezed and
Fell on his knees
And that was the end of the monk, the monk
To sum it all up, we have five monkeys with head injuries, five monkeys who were eaten by an alligator, two monkeys who choked, one monkey that died after his rear end was cut off by a meat grinder, and one monkey that was crushed by an elephant with allergies. That’s 14 monkeys! Where’s PETA and Jane Goodall when you need them? If children were singing songs about dead cats and dogs there would be a public outcry! Why is it okay for children to sing songs about the mutilation of monkeys?
My theory is that all this malice towards monkeys stems from a Christian Fundamentalist backlash against the Theory of Evolution. They don’t want to believe that we evolved from primates and they resent monkeys because of it. Whatever the reason, I think we should stop being monkey haters and start being monkey appreciators. After all they’re our closest living relative because we share 94% of the same DNA.
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