Planning to cash in on some of Titanic’s financial success, other studios are planning their own disaster at sea movies. I’ve come up with some ideas of my own:
Love Boat – Disaster At Sea
The movie reunites all the old characters played by new actors. Everyone is having a great time aboard the cruise ship until an engine fire threatens to sink the boat. When they find out there aren’t enough lifeboats for everyone, the passengers panic. It’s up to Julie, the Cruise Director, to restore order. In the process she’s forced to shoot two passengers played by Florence Henderson and Jaleel White. The most touching scene of the movie occurs when Captain Stubbing pushes Gopher onto a floating piece of wood in order to save his life.
“Gggopher pppromise me you’ll sssurvive. Pppromise me you’ll nnnever let go!”
“Okay, I promise. But why are you shivering so much we’re in the Caribbean?”
The Presidents Yacht
Harrison Ford recreates his role as the President of the United States only this time terrorists take over his yacht. The terrorists think the President escaped on a Jet Ski, but he’s really hiding in the anchor well, waiting for his chance to take them down one by one. The action leads up to this memorable line, “I’m the President of the United States, get off my boat!”
The Suite Life On Deck Turns Sour
Any adult who has had the misfortune of having to sit through this Disney sitcom will enjoy seeing the obnoxious overacting cast sink to the bottom of the sea! The movie brings back Zach, Cody, London, Bailey, and Mr. Moseby as they sail around the world on the S.S. Tipton until they hit a rock after Zach takes over as captain and steers the boat too close to shore in order to ogle girls in bikinis. The most memorable scene of the movie involves London who shouts, “I’m rich and beautiful, I can’t sink! My Manolo Blahniks will get ruined.”
Gilligan’s Island 3D – They thought they were going out for a three-hour cruise (so why did they bring so much stuff?) The passengers aboard the S.S. Minnow have to survive a storm at sea. I’m casting Jim Parsons, of the The Big Bang Theory, as Gilligan, Billy Gardell, of Mike and Molly, as the Skipper, Emma Stone as Mary Ann, and Megan Fox as Ginger. I haven’t cast the other parts yet. Any suggestions on who should play the Professor, Mr. and Mrs. Howell?